A Perfect Getaway & Some Chitchat About Booze

Three couples rough it out in the Hawaiian wild. There has been a murder nearby.

Couple #1– clean-cut newlyweds.  She wears Keds, likes to give head, and has a nasally voice (probably because of all the head).  He’s short and doesn’t know generally known Cool Hand Luke quotes. They’re on their honeymoon and suspect that the murderers are, perhaps, one of the other 2 couples they have met:

Couple #2– wild lovers.  He kills things with a bow and arrow and has a metal plate in his head.  She guts what he kills and enjoys skinny dipping.

Couple #3– real rogue warriors.  She sports dread locks, has no qualms about getting into cars with strangers, and likes to show off her wedding pictures. . . to strangers.  He’s mean.

A real Whodunit.  So, who do you think did it?  All you have to do is rent the movie and watch it to know for sure.  But that is where the real question lies.  Given that you have rented the movie and have begun watching it, should you finish it?  Finding out how it ends is not a good enough reason because a) you can find out on Wikipedia (woop, woop–put your hands in the air and wave ‘em around like you just don’t care) and b) it’s a thriller and everybody always knows how thrillers are going to end. They predicted it.  From the beginning.  They just didn’t want to say anything.  So they waited til the end.  When it’s over.  And the outcome is certain. Then they tell you.  About the earlier, unsaid prediction.

So, here is a list of pros and cons of finishing the film to help you decide if you should finish the film, given that you have rented it and already began watching it, but paused it for a moment to read, um, this review:

1. The film features a lot of scenes with manly abdominal muscle shots.  Pro and Con–That’s what I like to call a personal preference, and I just can’t make that decision for you.
2. The first portion of the flick is horrible.  I liken it to having to hear a guy at the bar talk about a book he just read. . .because its spine was featured for .05 seconds on the bottom of a dark and full bookshelf in an episode of Lost. . .and why the creators, as well as himself,  like Stephen King so much . . .who just so happened, Stephen King, to sell them, the Lost creators,  the rights to The Dark Tower series for $19. . .because the #19 is so significant to Lost or fucking John Locke or so-and-so in the gunslingers or who-the-goddamnmotherfuckingshit-ever.  All you wanted to do was get drunk by yourself and eat some nachos.  Con!
3. There’s about 15-20 minutes towards the end where the movie actually starts acting like a movie and, I gotta say, it’s kinda thrilling.  Pro-ish? . . .eh, 20 out of the 98 mins of the film is actually good. I guess the next logical question would be: What is your suck-time to good-time ratio?  How much shit are you willing to take to get something pleasant? Are you willing to sit through 78 minutes of bad for 20 min of good-ish? I am. I’m also willing to spend 24 hours hung-over and suicidal for 4 hours of drinking lots of  PBR  with whomever is at the pub.
4. It’s filmed in beautiful Hawaii.  Pro

So, given that you have rented the movie and already began watching it, should you finish it?  We have 2 cons, 2 pros, and 1 pro-ish and all the pros depend on how much you value scenery, your ab-viewing tolerance, and something I rambled on about concerning Pabst Blue Ribbon and math. . . eh, flip a coin.

Review–Just don’t rent it.

P.s. To Kenny, I love you and look forward to the times you talk to me about Lost. Please continue to do so. . .I find it interesting and informative.  You are good-looking.  Also, thanks for renting A Perfect Getaway. I had fun watching it with you and am glad we finished it. Please continue being my boyfriend.